'The great snow break'

It's dark. It's cold. A flake of snow falls from the sky and settles gently on the pavement. A little girl gasps and looks up. There's more! It's snowing! And by god, it's settling! Suddenly, the whole street come out and bask in the white flecked glory. No one knows what to do! They've never seen this fluffy, cold, flaky substance before! Soon they're gathering it up and rolling into a ball in their fists, fresh white frost combined with murky particles from the street. they joyfully throw it at one another. A snowfight! The joy!

But no, it's not Africa. Unbelievably, these joyful idiots are in Britain. What's more, they're from the intelligence capital of Britain, the hub, our capital, London.

One would think the cockneys have never seen snow before.

The front page of every national paper shouted IT'S SNOWING! Like it's never happened before.

BBC news readers are huddled on busy roadsides, wrapped in winter coats ad outdoor gear fit for mountains. Stood in an inch of snow and declaring it's snowing but, unbelievably (!), the cars are still making it onto the roads.

Documentaries are made about a terribly icy driveway that was missed out by the gritters.

The tubes and buses stop running. Boris declares it congestion charge free day.

All this because of a bit of snow.

And up in Scotland, I'm at work, as usual, in the office. And like every other day of every other year in the month of February, it's snowing. I had to defrost the car as I always do and drive carefully on the way to work because the village has been missed out by the gritters, as it always is.

Everyone left a little earlier, because the buses were a little slower than usual dropping the kids off to school.

IRN described it as 'the great snow break'. It's only 'great' because London declared it to be. But you aren't fooling anyone up here.

It's snow. Get on with it.